It's All About the Bloggemins

to shrug or not to shrug?

Sal Paradise — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:21:34 +0000

Growing up around a corporation that employs a few dozen people full-time and twice that part-time, I have come to realize how the American worker, although the most privileged in history, thinks they deserve the world and more.

In these extremely unpredictable economic times, being employed is quite a luxury. Ohioans for a while have become almost accepting of this downturn because it has been going on for years before the rest of the nations non-rust-belt cities were affected. We don’t seem to worry less, but we deem this as simply a way of life around here. Don’t get me wrong, for it is definitely worse now than it has been recently, it is still something that had affected us years before everyone else.

I attended a meeting last week which brought some of the great minds of my industry together for a night of discussion. Among topics discussed were making changes to current or new laws to benefit our industry, the current state of the economy as a whole, and the current state of the economy of our industry. Out of about ten of these movers and shakers, only one had a negative attitude about the future. (This same character has always been the pessimistic type anyways, even before the economic crunch)

These businessmen seem to know that this too shall pass, but that one person from the opposing side really stuck in my mind for days to come. If I had to guess, these small-business owners did not vote for our current president because of the tax breaks that they seem to receive when a republican is in office. They questioned how government spending will create this huge job infusion. They believe that if they receive more tax breaks themselves, they can afford to offer more people jobs, therefore creating more money in the local economies as well as offering a better product to offer consumers.

I am not a person who belongs to one political party or another. The best way to describe my political being would be that I am socially liberal, fiscally conservative. But parties aside, our current economic situation terrifies the hell out of me. These politicians need to start working together on bipartisanship and put these blatant party lines aside for the sake of our nation and our children. And our children’s children….

Yesterday Barack Obama finally signed the stimulus bill. He has already mentioned a second stimulus later in the year or in early 2010 if this one doesn’t work. We are already borrowing money from other nations for this bill, and will be indebted to them for decades.

What I expect to see is a complete shift in the spending cycle of modern Americans. They will start practicing fiscal responsibility (hopefully) and not live check-to-check and entirely on credit.

The bad part of this scenario is that with people spending less, the economy is going to downsize as a whole, and this recession will last for quite some time. People aren’t going to lease that new beamer their first year out of college for $800 a month. People will likely shift near cities and away from the ‘burbs to be closer to work and start taking public transportation, if work still even exists in those cities.

I don’t entirely agree with the businessmen that I observed last week, but I can understand where they come from in some of their arguements. Even though they don’t want to say it, I believe that a lot of them are realizing that the work you put into owning a business, and the massive tax bill you receive at the end of the year, profit or not, just isn’t worth it anymore. On multiple occasions, I have had people at the industries’ national conferences tell me to “get the hell outta this business.”

The auto industry will likely take years to get back to profitability. Tens of thousands of tiered jobs depend on the big 3 coming out of this alive. I, along with the other optimists of the nation, believe that they can indeed return to greatness. The part that worries me though, are those small businesses that provide those 30-100 jobs. There is no “bail out” money for those entrepreneurs. It just won’t happen. What about that dry cleaner that employs its family and sponsors a local softball team? What about that mom and pop grocery store that employs the local high school kids?

The government seems to believe that this bailout will have a trickle down effect on local economies, which therefore will bring the local businesses back to profitability. The government also believes that pumping millions of dollars into its own facilities to update them or make them “green” will give people work enough to save the economy. What a joke.

America was built on these small businesses. Instead of spending all this money we don’t have on things we don’t need, this money should be allocated to much-needed tax breaks for small businesses which employ roughly 65% of the nations workers. Hopefully these small businesses have enough money in the bank to survive that long, for it will be them who will be paying for all this spending in the future, unless they decide to shrug the rest of the world off their shoulders.

Vote Bloggemin!

Sal Paradise — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:19:18 +0000

I’m voting Republican. Well, hmmm… maybe not?

Maybe I’ll vote Democrat? Ahhh.. who the hell knows.

From the Bad comes the Good

Sal Paradise — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:37:28 +0000

As everyone knows, the American economy is in the shitter. There are also probably a lot of you who realize that Cleveland’s economy has been in the shitter way longer than the rest of the country. So the economic downturn around here isn’t really news here like it is elsewhere. Nevertheless, there are some definite upsides to this situation. Here is some food for thought:

Housing

If you are planning on spending more than the next couple years in the greater Cleveland area, believe me, I feel for you. But there is definitely no better time to purchase a home here. On the other hand, if you aren’t planning on spending too much longer here, I would definitely advise against purchasing real estate here because of the length it takes to sell a home in this area. As long as you have a decent sized down-payment as well as a credit score above 700, you can get homes priced extremely below market value. There is also an upside to those who own homes and cannot sell them. The high amount of foreclosures make it a lucrative market for renting your home and/or purchasing another investment property to rent.

Investing in Stocks

National City Corp. has had it’s share of problems, and it still may have many to come, but there is no better time to buy some of their stock if you are willing to take a risk. The reward is far greater than the risk and its stock price is lower than half a gallon of gas. On Monday the stock market had another historic crash which sent stock prices plummeting. A friend of mine bought $500 worth of shares Monday and has already nearly doubled his money. Last time I checked, National City was selling for less than $2 per share, which will most likely go up again. Imagine if you had $1000 to risk on this company. I know before National City had the large cash infusion from investors, it was selling at around $40 per share. If it even goes up to half of that again you can make a killing.

New Cars

As long as you can get approved, your bound to get historically low financing options on a new car, as long as its not one of those hippie satisfying hybrids. If you need some new wheels, grab them soon.

Hookers

Paying for sex is at an all time low, as some Euclidians stated to me recently. The reason is because of the crackdown on political corruption in Cleveland. People are also lessening their spending on those things that aren’t considered necessities, like weed and malt liquor, which in turn makes the hookers demand for work higher.

Hippies Crying For Dead Trees

Sal Paradise — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:02:22 +0000

I know there are at least a handful of readers that agree with my point of view on extremist hippies. This video is absolutely ridiculous and almost unbelievable.

That’s What She Said

Sal Paradise — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 01:54:18 +0000

For all you “Office” fans

Just Like Crabs in a Barrel

Sal Paradise — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 01:45:33 +0000

So there is some good news and some better news. The good news is that we are reaching an entirely larger demographic of readers than I had ever imagined. Those readers, as comments have shown, consist of people who are happy for our success and those who are upset with it. It also includes intellectuals as well as those with IQ scores lower than the average high weather in Cleveland in January. Either way, we are happy people are reading this and obviously checking it daily.

The better news is that last week, wordpress.com had us rated #64 in the top 100 growing blogs on their website. That’s a pretty decent accomplishment for a couple no-talent ass clowns considering their are hundreds of thousands of blogs included in that number.

After beginning to realize that most of the comments we get are valid points and offer an intellectual counter-point, I have come to sadly say that their are still those who are trying to drag our success down. The best way I can describe those people are from an article I read some time ago which you can read below called the “Crabs in a Barrel Theory of Friendship.”

Usually, this theory is normally aimed at African Americans, but I believe it can be seen in any persons life. Below is the post you can find @ http://missioncritical.wordpress.com.

This theory was recently explained to me by a coworker. (Full disclosure: this coworker is black, and his idea of this theory only dealt with other black people. But I think it goes beyond race.) I will occasionally hear him mutter “like crabs in a barrel,” and I will know someone just tried to screw him over on something.

Imagine a big, disgusting barrel of crabs, about to be cooked. What happens to a crab that gets to the top and is about to climb out of the barrel? Inevitably, one of the other crabs will grab it and pull it back down right as it is about to escape to freedom.

This theory says there are two types of friends: the ones who are happy for you when good things happen, and the ones who pull you back into the barrel. The trick is figuring out which friends are the crabs.

I have definitely seen this several times in my life; something good happens to someone and the people you would expect to be most supportive are secretly plotting how to bring the person back down to their level. Stupid people.

1st Negative Feedback

Sal Paradise — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:42:46 +0000

Dear writers of “all about the bloggemins” You suck. Your posts are the most terrible pieces of shit I have ever read and I didn’t even read them, I just know. What makes you think anybody gives a crap about your NFL predictions, like people are going to check in every week to see what you two no talent ass clowns have to say. Your posts will probably be as successful as an Ohio State vs USC keg party during a torrential downpour. Your the kind of people that probably have a dumb as fuck american bulldog that would pop adderals and find it funny. I got a new idea that you could spend your worthless time writing about. Why people who went to Lake Catholic are so gay that instead of fucking bitches they sit around and write “blogs”. Just saying the word blog makes me feel gay but you go and spend time writing them. I am now dumber for reading this and actually taking time out of my hectic schedule to shine some light into your pathetic world of internet opinions. Fuck you!!!!

Sincerely,
Me

I’d like you all to meet the writer of this comment. I know what you all are thinking; no he is not from www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Although very thuglike in appearance, like the crew he rolls with, he is was actually a respectably misunderstood and well liked individual. Either way, for some reason, may it be a joke or not, he felt it necessary to express his opinion on what we have going on here. And that is exactly the purpose of a blog: expressing ones opinions and letting the reader decide for him/herself what they think of it and coming to their own conclusion, and if they want, writing a comment about it. I encourage all who desire to, please express their opinions!

My job as a Bloggemin, is to confirm or deny anything that these highly intellectual readers comment on. So here goes:

He states: You suck. Your posts are the most terrible pieces of shit I have ever read and I didn’t even read them, I just know.

Can’t comment on things you don’t read. Probably your opinion on your textbooks throughout high school. “Just don’t read because it “sucks” because you just “know.” Reading just wastes the precious time I could spend playing Mario Kart.”

He States: Your posts will probably be as successful as an Ohio State vs USC keg party during a torrential downpour.

Rain sucks for an outdoor party, I think most people know that too. But lucky enough we had tents with siding and the rain ended up subsiding two hours before game time. I’m guessing he was an Ohio State fan and was upset with the outcome of the game.

Or he is just a stupid person that wants to pull us down to his level and beat us with experience. Not gonna work there buddy!

He States: I got a new idea that you could spend your worthless time writing about. Why people who went to Lake Catholic are so gay that instead of fucking bitches they sit around and write “blogs”. Just saying the word blog makes me feel gay but you go and spend time writing them.

My time may be worthless to you, but someone disagrees and happens to pay me more per day than you probably make per week, or month. Nonetheless, I usually spend about 10-15 minutes per day updating the blog. That time is necessary to get my sperm count back to normal levels. The rest is spent, as you say, “fucking bitches.” From the looks of you, it seems as though you spend all your damn time “fucking bitches” and probably have a hard time keeping the women away. Either way, I’ve probably had more meaningful relations with women than relations you have had with your right hand. And are you really going to bring up the high school rivalries? You and Uncle Rico (or whatever his name is) from Napoleon Dynamite should get together.

He States: I am now dumber for reading this and actually taking time out of my hectic schedule to shine some light into your pathetic world of internet opinions. Fuck you!!!! Sincerely, Me

First off, I thought you said you didn’t read this. Now your really confusing me. Your hectic schedule? Haha, ok though, but if it really is making you dumber and taking that much time, then you just don’t have to come to the website. Easy enough.

Well hopefully no one was offended during this debate and no feelings were hurt. If ya dish it out, you should be able to take it. It’s all in good fun, and us at the Bloggemins here really are cool with this character. Sometimes people need useful criticism to better themselves, and hopefully this website. I have been asked to write about other topics besides football, so I will do my best to do so in the near future. Have a stupendous fucking weekend. Peace y’all!!!

My Pick is Bigger than Yours

vlad60 — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:52:37 +0000

For the sake of comedy, and to assuage our boredom at work, the members of Bloggemin Nation (both of us) have agreed to pick the NFL games, from now until the end of the season. The loser will have to do something that is hilarious/humiliating. Please leave any and all ideas as to what that should be in the comments section.

If he is even close to me by the end of the regular season (within ten games), I am more than willing to pick the playoff games as well. We won’t pick against the spread, because that would require me to spend hours poring over meaningless stats before making my picks, and I’d probably still lose to Sal, who would be throwing darts at a board to make his picks. Scores will be calculated each Tuesday by myself and Sal:

Week 3 picks for Vlad (0-0):

KC Chiefs at ATL Falcons – Yeah, Atlanta is bad, but KC’s quarterback is Tyler Thigpen, whos like the bastard son of Kordell Stewert and Tim Couch.

Oakland Raiders at Buffalo Bills – Add Buffalo to the list of teams that were once significantly worse than the Browns, but now appear to be significantly better. And this list will continue to grow as long as we allow Romeo to continue his big, shaggy, incompetent dog act on our sidelines

Tampa Bay Bucs at Chicago Bears – Chicago’s defense looked so angry last week.

New Orleans Saints at Denver Broncos – Jay Cutler leads the NFL’s top rated offense against the NFC’s third-worst defense. And Eddie Royal is sweet. And the Broncos will have momentum after the big go-fer-two win.

Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers – too much Cowboy fire power. Rodgers isn’t ready to win this game yet. I’m calling a turnover or two from A-Rod.

Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans – Texans still suck. Whoever their quarterback is, it should be the other guy. I’m convinced

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts – Colts got lucky last week by facing the recently-benched Tavaris Jackson. No such luck against the Jags. Oh, and Bob Sanders is out…again.

Carolina Panthers at Minnesota Vikings – Vikings really need this one. And so they shall have it. Introducing Gus Frerotte as game manager.

Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots – Remember when the ‘fins drafted Ted Ginn at # 7 in the 2007 draft? Yeah, that hasn’t really worked out…

Cincinnati Bengals at New York Giants – Where zero offense and zero defense converge: your 2008 Cincy Suck-cats!

Pittsburgh Steelers at Philadelphia Eagles – I am officially back on the Donovan McNabb bandwagon. The only current African American quarterback that is an accurate passer. You can’t even argue that.

Detroit Lions at San Francisco 49ers – Lions brought in Shaun Alexander for a workout. Now thats a kiss of death.

St. Louis Rams at Seattle Seahawks – I can’t shake the feeling that this will be the 4 o’ clock game on my local Fox affiliate.

Arizona Cardinals at Washington Redskins – Kurt Warner and his butch-haircutted wife are back in the spotlight!

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens – No drops for Braylon, but LBJ will be murdered after appearing on the field in a Raven’s jersey.

New York Jets at San Diego Chargers – This one was pretty much a coin flip. But Favre’s old ass jetlagged and gunslingin’ = an INT or two. Ugh, I just noticed that this is the Monday night game.

I think this is also a good time to note that the combination of football and HD television has single-handedly slaugthered my productivity. Used to be, I could spend evenings reading for class or doing something productive. Now, on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday night, my productivity absolutely dies whenever there is a college football game on. I don’t care if its Crotch Feasant Tech vs. Nut Gobbler A & M, my stupid ass will sit there in a trance like a moth drawn to flame. So thank you, ESPN HD and NCAA, for murdering my chance at a higher education.

Bathroom Attendants: Scourge of America

vlad60 — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:50:24 +0000

The bathroom is supposed to be a place of comfort, of relaxation. A place where a man can take a pee that is four beers overdue while leaning his head back and making a noise like a bear scratching his back on a tree. A place where a man can retire to a stall with half the newspaper, and emerge thirty minutes later, feeling more relieved and more educated than when he entered.

Unfortunately, there is a storm on the horizon of this peaceful sanctuary. A pestering, greedy nuisance who’s job it is to watch you pee, watch you wash your hands, and then chase you down with half a paper towel like Ray Lewis as you sprint towards the door.

I am, of course, speaking of the bathroom attendant.

Over the past couple of months, I have run across several of these banes of humanity, including in strip club potties, casino crappers, and bar pissers. And in each situation, I left the bathroom thinking one of several things:

A. What a creepy person that was.

B. Why exactly can’t I rip off my own paper towel?

C. Did I just pay to take a pee?

Bathroom attendants started off as well-dressed servants of the upper class lavatory world. They would be found in the corner of the bathroom only at high-end restaurants, holding an actual towel in their hands and sitting next to a table of neatly organized colognes, gum, cigarettes, and other various items. As a person washed his hands, the meek, kindly attendant would quietly walk over, and hand the person a towel. Perhaps an offer was made for colgone, but other than that, the attendant would sit back down or busy himself with tidying up the bathroom, and the patron would be left on his own to decide whether or not to leave a tip.

However, the bathroom attendant has become a joke an a pain in the ass, based on either their own actions/personality or the location they are found.

The worst situation I have encountered in this regard, by far, and an example of an abomination of a person in the role of bathroom attendant, was in the fine gentlemen’s club Sundowners, in Niagara Falls. The bathroom was probably ten feet by twenty feet, at the most, and looked about as beat up as a forty year old stripper. In the corner of this bathroom, next to the sink, sat an enormous black man clutching a roll of paper towels. As people walked by to wash their hands, this monstrous parolee would stare at them, a scrap of towel in his hand, and a crazy look on his face that only an wide-eyed lunatic could manage. And as he handed them the paper towel, he would direct their eyes over to the counter, where his tip bucket sat. Sure enough, if no tip was given, the attendant would not give up his precious paper towel, and the patron would be forced to flee with wet hands and a profound fear of going back into the restroom.

Really, strip clubs? Its not enough that we pay your women $20 for three minutes of their time? We also need to pay to piss out the $5 dollar bottles of beer you sell us? What exactly was it about the strip club business that made you idiots say “I don’t think the average customer spends enough money here”?

Of course, there were “perks” of venturing into the restroom, such as the COLOGNE that the gang member/attendant in the corner so closely guarded. Who in the hell is going to ask for cologne at a strip club?! The only women I’ve ever met at a strip club smell like sweat and Schnapps, if its a good day, so Ill take my chances just smellin’ like plain old Right Guard. Putting on cologne for strippers is like wining and dining a hooker. Why put in any effort or money, when you are already paying for a certain outcome?

Not to mention the fact that the greedy bastard could be avoided if you just peed and made a beeline for the door, without washing your hands. Because lets be honest, at the age of 24, I pretty much know how to avoid peeing on my hands, I dont think my wee-wee is all that filthy, and at a strip club, pee is probably the most desireable thing to have on your hands anyway.

Even if the bathroom attendant is not an enormous asshole, the establishment in which he works can be quite annoying. Take, for example, my encounter with one at Bob Golic’s Bar on W. 6th. The bar was packed with drunk people in Browns and Steelers jerseys, cursing and screaming and chugging tall boys. And yet, when you walked into the bathroom, there sat Jeeves, alert and ready to serve, his table of accessories at his side.

This really annoyed me for some reason. First of all, its a bar. The people are drunk, probably pissing on the floor, and they are there for the alcohol, not the cleanliness of the bathroom. Secondly, don’t we do enough ridiculous tipping at a bar? We already give a buck or two for someone to reach down and grab us a beer. Now we have to pay to piss out the beer. This means we are paying for the flow of beer both into and out of our bodies! Isn’t that a bit ridiculous?

Look, I may sound like a crotchety old man, but I just happen to think that a visit to the bathroom should be time for relaxation and relief, and maybe a gratuitous scratching, rather than a time for digging into our pockets for singles or trying to avoid the bathroom attendant. To end this discussion, and because I am feeling lazy, here is why bathroom attendants should sashay their asses right back to the 5 star restaurants:

1. When you get right down to it, hes just a creepy man standing in the corner, watching everyone do their thing. Go ahead and stand in the corner of a public bathroom, watch a few people enter and leave, and see how long it is before someone gives you the stink eye.

2. They provide an unrequested service. I can get paper towels myself, thank you very much. I have gum, thanks. No, I put cologne on before I left the house. And I owe you a dollar, why? The only way these asses survive is because they know everyone will eventually go to the bathroom, some people feel compelled to tip, and drunk people tip like idiots.

3. In a bar, the bathroom is not the place to be. I want to be back outside so I don’t miss the next round, or back at the table when the food gets there. The potty should be wham, bam, done, and the act of having to dig through your wallet to tip the guy with a monopoly on the paper towels is a waste of time.

4. At any busy bar, the BA will only serve to slow things down. If lines are forming at the urinal, then several people make it over to the sink at just about the same time, the BA won’t be able to give them all service…but dammit, he will try. And that leads to a back up at the sink. What are we, women?

5. If you walked up to a Porta-Potty, and it cost $1 to get into it, wouldn’t you just kick that bitch over? How is this any different?

Trying to Reason with Browns Season

Sal Paradise — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:18:20 +0000

I have been involved in some great, mediocre, and outright crazy relationships; all of which I could end with little difficulty. Some faulter because of my actions and more often than not, my lack of action. But never in my life had I realized I was in the worst relationship that I couldn’t shake with a franchise that has been pathetic since it’s rebirth.

The Cleveland Browns is that relationship.

Call it a blessing or a curse, I, and numerous others live and die by this team. The owners (Lerners) just cannot seem to put a decent product on the field every single year. Even though this rust-belt city is in economic distress, some people believe in the Browns like they do of higher powers. I, like many others, thought this was OUR year. Oh how stupid I have become.

I know as a fan, I have invested countless dollars and time in this team, and they have given me very little in return. My father and I have purchased season tickets in the Dawg Pound since the teams return in 1999. So thats $800 dollars just in tickets per season. We like to tailgate, so you gotta add the $20 per game parking fee as well as food and alcohol. So when its broken down, we spend around $100 each game x 10 games (including preseason) = $1000 each per person per season. We even went so far as purchasing a camper to drive down to hide from the elements when tailgating, as well as hosting family and friends. Having this camper has turned into quite a production every week and this team’s lack of chemistry is making it harder and harder to want to lug this thing down every game.

I’m not giving up on this team yet, but don’t think I haven’t considered giving up my tickets next year. I have a blind faith like most Cleveland fans do, but how long until you figure enough is enough. Cleveland is in dire need of a championship just for the moral support it will bring to this city. Hopefully someone who in fact gives a shit will be able to purchase this team in the near future and turn it all around again. Only time will tell.

Maybe the Bloggemins…..?